Shaded Love Read online

  Her father sat up so fast that he nearly knocked the chair back onto the floor. “And I reminded you that you live under my roof and I make the rules. Do not tell me you have been seeing him behind my back, Eva May.”

  Her father looked murderous, his face tight with anger and Eva weighed her options. She could just blurt it out now and hope for the best. After all, he was already upset.

  “Never mind,” he said a moment later, gulping the rest of his whisky down. “I can see it written all over your face. I know you’re eighteen, but he is not good enough for you, Eva. Trust me on this.”

  “Will anyone be good enough, Dad?” she asked sarcastically.

  Her father clenched his fists together tightly, his eyes boring holes into hers. “Do not get yourself involved with him. He’s a bad seed and he’s only going to ruin your life, Eva.”

  “He is not!” Eva said firmly, standing. “I wish you would let me live my life as I see fit! He’s good, I swear it.”

  Her father snorted. “Then you have poor taste in men. I thought I raised you better.”

  Tears blinding her eyes, Eva pushed past her father and stormed out of the house, not caring that the back door banged against the doorframe as she walked outside. Her father was wrong. He wasn’t a bad seed. He loved her. She could feel it in her bones and in her heart.

  Her love for him and their baby was…just psychedelic. The adjective didn’t even begin to describe what it all encompassed, but it was the most appropriate adjective she could think of.

  Her father would just have to accept the fact that she was going to marry him.

  Chapter 3

  Tuesday, November 1, 1988

  1:00 a.m.

  A moment later, Eva May showed herself in, pausing at the doorway as she searched the room for him.

  She ran to his opened arms and they kissed. “How did it go?”

  “Oh, things have just gone from bad to worse,” she said. “He has forbidden me to see you.”

  “You must disregard what your father says about me.” And as if she had agreed with what he’d said, he went on, “He has some preconceived ideas about me.”

  “Why?”

  She felt him shrug.

  “He’s an old man with old ideas.” He held her off and turned her chin up to look into her eyes. “You don’t see me that way, do you?”

  “No,” she answered simply. “I know you’re an honest, lovable man, with good and pure intentions, who people don’t understand.”

  He tucked her back into his arms and rocked her gently, satisfied with her answer.

  “The only thing that matters to me is how I feel,” she replied, her voice trembling.

  “And how do you feel?” he asked quietly.

  “Now?”

  He nodded.

  “Happy. In love with you.”

  “Everything is going to work out well. Don’t worry. All I want you to do is to feel,” he murmured, pulling her against him, running his hands down her back and pushing her against him, letting her know how aroused he was. His readiness was all too apparent through the thin barrier of their clothes. He was primed by the possibility of having her for himself. “How do you feel now, princess?”

  Her soft moan was his answer and he smiled when she closed her eyes, trusting him implicitly. Yes, she would be a good wife, especially because she came with loads of money.

  When he lowered his head to kiss her throat, she threw her head back, exposing the tender flesh to his mouth.

  She felt the moist heat of his tongue trace her collarbone. His hands came up to open her jacket, lift her shirt, and push down her bra. He held her steady as he explored lower, licking the valley between her breasts and biting her sensitive nipples.

  “Oh, Lord.” She felt her control going, chasing after his.

  He groaned deeply, pushing her skirt up, and sought her mouth again wildly, promising and demanding more—seducing.

  It was not long before he was ravaging her, pushing her against the wall.

  He kissed her fiercely like there was not a care in the world—as if her whole family wasn’t sleeping in the house nearby, as if her father hadn’t forbidden her from seeing him.

  Eva May knew she couldn’t care less when his hand stole up her leg and he trailed his finger to the junction of her thigh and went inside her.

  She moved against his hand while she opened his trousers and freed his erection.

  He lifted her against the wall, and she wrapped her legs around him.

  She was wet and hot and it was only for this man that adored her. He slid inside her in a quick, hard thrust.

  The pleasure of being invaded in that way was so intense that it almost hurt and she cried out.

  “Oh, fuck, Eva May, I love you.” He pounded into her, hard at first, and then even harder. She came around him, tightening in waves of pulsating heat.

  And she felt it as he spilled himself inside her, grunting in his release.

  All she had to do was convince her father to let her have her inheritance.

  The wind blew through the barn cracks and Eva shivered.

  “We’d better go in before your father comes out to see what’s taking you so long,” he said.

  She straightened reluctantly, not eager to lose the enchantment of his embrace.

  He helped her adjust her clothes and accompanied her to the barn door. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

  “Sure. I’ll be here at the same time tomorrow.”

  Chapter 4

  3:00 a.m.

  Brenda was still awake when Eva May tiptoed inside her room. “Quick, quick. Your father checked if you were sleeping about one hour ago.”

  They had put pillows under the coverlet, and a doll with long blonde hair spread over the sheets made their disguise perfect for anyone looking from the door inside the dark bedroom.

  “So, how did it go?” she whispered.

  “We talked a bit.”

  “Is he going to confront your father?”

  “I don’t think it’s the best approach. You know how Father is.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  Eva pressed her lips together. Some secrets were too precious to speak, even to Brenda. She was going to sit with her father once more and tell him about her pregnancy this time. He had to give her her share of her mother’s heirdom. It was her right after all.

  And if he wasn’t understanding and welcoming to her marriage, they already had a plan: they would simply elope, and with her fortune, they would live happily ever after.

  It wasn’t the greatest of plans, of course. She had always dreamed of a large wedding right here on the farm, with Brenda as her maid of honor and everyone smiling and clapping as she wed the love of her life. Then they would go on a lovely honeymoon to some tropical location where she would lay on the sand with her husband and just live.

  The baby kicked again, bringing her crashing back to reality. There was not going to be a fancy wedding or her family being happy about her wedding. There would be no exciting honeymoon, no beautiful sunsets, or walking hand in hand along a beach. No, but she was looking forward to eloping with him and hoping that her father could forgive her for this transgression.

  Actually, it wasn’t a transgression.

  It was her future and she would make it work.

  Chapter 5

  Friday, November 4, 1988

  1:00 a.m.

  Eva pressed her face against his shirt, breathing in the scent of his cologne. Her heart was heavy, her eyes scratchy from the tears she had shed on the drive over. She had finally decided to tell her father about the pregnancy and he had taken it as well as she had anticipated given their recent fighting.

  She had never seen him so upset, not even when her mother had died. He had told her in no uncertain terms that she was ruining her life being with him and that she needed to look into termination or putting the baby up for adoption so that she could still have ‘a normal life’. Eva had never screamed at her father
before, but her screams had caused more than one person, including Brenda, to see what all the commotion was about and Eva had stormed out, running to the only stable thing in her life right now.

  “Shhh,” he was saying, rubbing circles into her back lightly. “It’s going to be okay, I swear it. Your old man will realize he’s wrong about all of it once we’re married.”

  Eva wiped her nose on her sleeve and stepped back. Looking into his trusting eyes. “Are you sure? I’ve never seen him so mad before.”

  He gave her a tender smile, pressing a kiss against her forehead. “Of course I’m sure. You are all he has now and though he’s mad at the moment, it won’t last for long. Trust me, he won’t want to drive away his daughter.”

  He then grabbed her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I love you. We are going to be happy together, you just wait.”

  Eva nodded and fell into his arms once more, feeling safe and secure. She had finally decided to move forward with the elopement. Once they were married, her father would have no choice but to accept his new son-in-law and grandchild.

  Either that or she would be gone forever.

  But, Eva didn’t like the fact that her father—probably her entire family—was against this marriage. What if they don’t accept it? Can I live with the fact that I have driven a wedge between them?

  “Have you gotten your dress yet?”

  Eva sighed and rubbed her cheek against his shirt. “I picked it up yesterday.”

  “Good,” he said, his voice rumbling against her cheek. “Focus on that then, Eva. Focus on the wedding that we are going to have in Ireland.”

  She closed her eyes, allowing herself to drift away from the hurt that was in her chest. He was right. They were going to have a wonderful, lovely wedding in Ireland, just the two of them.

  So why did she not feel elated?

  Thursday, December 15, 1988

  7:00 p.m.

  “Are you sure you want to do this Eva? You can back out, you know.”

  Eva placed the last article of clothing in her bag and zipped it closed, looking around at the room she had shared with Brenda for as long as she could remember. There was the cork board filled with useless things, concert ticket stubs, and silly pictures that they had taken together over the years.

  There was the closet still full of their clothing, as they had given up on trying to separate them a long time ago.

  Most of all, there were the memories; memories that she could not replace with anything.

  “Oh, don’t cry!” Brenda exclaimed, patting her back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to question you. I won’t say anything else.”

  “It’s not you.” Eva sniffed, wiping her eyes. She truly was about to leave everything she had known, everything safe to strike out on her own with him and their child. It was the right thing to do—or at least that was what she kept telling herself.

  Picking up her bag, Eva slung it over her shoulder and gave Brenda a watery smile. “Well, I guess I’m off.”

  Brenda climbed off the bed and wrapped her arms around her cousin. “I hope that it’s everything you dream it is. Really, Eva May. I just want you to be happy.”

  “Thanks, cousin.” Eva sniffed again, hugging Brenda tightly. “I’ll call you when it’s all done. I want this baby to know her aunt.”

  “But I won’t be an aunt…” Releasing Eva, Brenda sniffed, too.

  Eva shook her head. “You were always like a sister to me.”

  Brenda’s eyes clouded with tears once more but Eva was already walking out of the room, attempting to hold it together for just a little longer. It wasn’t just the pregnancy causing her to be so emotional.

  Walking down the stairs, Eva paused at the bottom, looking at the entrance to the den, where she knew her father was sitting, watching his TV show and drinking his whisky. She really wanted to see him one last time, to not leave with such strife between them, but she was afraid that he might catch wind of what she was about to do and try to stop her.

  That she couldn’t let happen.

  “I love you, Daddy,” she whispered, hurrying past the den and out the door before she could change her mind.

  Hopefully he would understand. Hopefully he would be able to forgive her.

  Climbing into the car, Eva backed out of the driveway and headed down the dirt road to the main highway, pointing it toward his place. She would stay there until they made their way to Ireland, where her new life would begin.

  But it didn’t mean that she wasn’t leaving a piece of her heart behind.

  Chapter 6

  Ireland

  Saturday, December 17, 1988

  11:00 a.m.

  Eva watched as the next couple stepped up before the registrar, giving him their names so that he could write them down in his big black book and insert them into the generic ceremony that was about to take place.

  After a horrible trip, where she was nauseous most of the day, they had arrived at the register where their wedding was to take place.

  It wasn’t exactly what she had envisioned.

  The room was old, the stained glass windows casting a colorful pattern on the wooden floors, the smell of cigarette smoke heavy in the air. While the surroundings were not awful, it was the thought that neither Eva’s family nor her friends were here to witness the event. Eva had always pictured her wedding with her in a beautiful gown and her father walking her down the aisle to the man that was to love her forever.

  Instead she was stuck in a white long-sleeved gown that was the only one big enough to fit her baby bump, the material itchy against her hyper-sensitive skin, and no family in sight.

  Not only that, they were being herded to the registrar desk like cattle. They were couple number twenty-one.

  Nothing about this day was special; nothing at all.

  And she was not even getting a religious wedding. Well, she was, but not in a traditional ceremony, or in a traditional chapel, or anything similar.

  Willing the tears away, Eva leaned over to him. “I—I don’t want to do this today.”

  He looked over at her, his eyes lit with surprise—and something more Eva could not understand. “What?”

  She bit her lip. “I don’t want us to get married like this.” She wanted to make it right with her father, make this entire pregnancy something to be celebrated. “Can’t we just hold off a few more months until my father gets used to the idea?”

  He frowned and pointed at her protruding belly. “You don’t have a few months, Eva.”

  He was right. She didn’t, but no one said they couldn’t have a wedding after the baby was born. Wrapping her arm around his, she laid her head on his shoulder. “I just—this doesn’t feel right.”

  He moved away from her instead of comforting her and she could tell that he was upset. “What do you mean this doesn’t feel right? We planned this, remember?”

  Eva swallowed. She had never seen him mad before, not at her at least. “I-I mean, I just think we should wait, that’s all. What’s the hurry?” Maybe if they did wait, she could get her father to warm up to the idea and everyone would be happy again.

  He sighed loudly and shook his head, a chuckle escaping him. “I knew you would get cold feet. I knew you didn’t love me enough to go through with this.”

  “I love you,” she insisted, wrapping her arms around him. That wasn’t the problem at all. “I-I’m sorry. You’re right. This is the right thing to do.”

  “There’s my girl,” he said, some of the anger leaving his expression. “This is the right thing to do, Eva.”

  She nodded, though in her heart, she still had doubts. She didn’t want to lose him and wanted to trust that he was marrying her because he loved her.

  Hugging him tighter, she hoped that he was right, that this was the right thing to do.

  Because she had no other choice.

  “Twenty one?”

  “That’s us,” he responded.

  Eva removed her arms from around him, standing up as
he did. She swallowed her fears and followed him to the registrar, attempting to smile as the dour faced man looked at them both, his eyes flickering to her bump barely concealed by her dress.

  She could only imagine what he was thinking and her cheeks flushed. Yes, she had experienced sex outside of wedlock. Yes, she had enjoyed it immensely. And yes, she was pregnant.

  But this was different.

  Their case was not like the rest.

  She loved him and he loved her. Their child would be born in a loving household. They were making this official so that the child could have two parents, two loving people who clearly loved each other as well.

  “Please join hands,” the registrar said, clearing his throat as he opened the book before him.

  Eva’s hands trembled as she turned toward him and took his hands, forcing a smile as he looked at her.

  This was going to work. She just knew it.

  Chapter 7

  Wednesday, December 21, 1988

  11:00 p.m.

  Few things in life truly prepared a woman for pregnancy and in Eva’s case, losing her mother, cutting ties with her father, and moving to Ireland left her floundering.

  It should be the ultimate feminine experience—perhaps even the ultimate human experience—and quite happy. But as she raised, pulling up her eight-and-a-half months rotund belly, wobbling to the bathroom once again to pee in the middle of another sleepless night thanks to the tiny human skull of her baby pressing against her bladder, she felt miserable.

  How had her life taken such a drastic turn?

  She had thought she was doing the right thing, marrying the father of her child and love of her life. She had turned her back on her father and the rest of her family and moved to Ireland against their wishes, cutting all ties with them for the last few months.